i should be filled to the brim with complete joy..tyler, myself, morgan, shawn, jen and mouse are getting a three bedroom apartment. we move in febuary first. we are finally free. it feels like it has taken forever, but we're finally in the right spot. but for some reason all i am is angry and depressed. ugh. maybe my chemicals are becoming imbalanced again. but if i smoke, i just feel nothing. i don't know which is better.

oh yeah, and how great is the song 'surfwax america' off of the first weezer album? tyler downloaded the whole blue album the other day and i've fallen in love with weezer again. oh good. seventh grade is coming back. i'm rediscovering a bunch of really awesome music lately.


a richmond trip is going to happen sometime in febuary. i'm excited. we're probably going to end up going up late sunday night after i get off work, staying up all day mondya and coming back late monday night. we'll need a lot of adderall. we have to do it this way because i'm not going to be able to get any days off of work. so lame. asjdfhsadf. i'm stoned. what else is new.

chelsea and i aren't friends anymore. she ditched me every single time we hung out, to go hang out with mike, who she isn't even serious anymore. so i pretty much said 'fuck you, broes before hoes' etc and we don't speak. except shit at work like 'excuse me' 'no sauce' etc. ugh,.

hahaha, i just put surfwax america on repeat.

i think i'm going to go take pictures of stuff today. ...i don't know where to go or anything. i've pretty much hit up all the good places around here way too much.i dunno. pungo? no, not pungo. hmmmmm....i don't know.

ugh. i just want to get in bed and never get out. tyler gets so mad over the dumbest things. yesterday i set up an appointment for us to go look at an apartment and he flipped out because he didnt have time to play videogames with his friends. so that added to my already depressed mood....it dosent matter now anyway, that apartment is taken. i'm so fucking depressed. and i have to go to work today. this isn't going to be fun. i've been so anxious...i wish i still had my xanax prescription. or health insurance so that i could get a xanax prescription. tyler seems so cold lately. he played video games all day yesterday. i got drunk and watched so that i would scream and cry and make a complete ass of myself infront of his friends. where's my fucking attention? i want to jump off a building. the end.

everything is getting back on track again.
we've been searching for apartments. tyler is eligible to file for partial unemployment, because his hours are going back up in a couple months. so in a few weeks we'll have saved up enough money to FINALLY get the fuck out of here. we might get a tiny studio at the oceanfront, which is just one big room, a closet and a bathroom, but i don't care. it'll be great, just me, tyler, and our little kitty, muffin.

things are finally coming back together again.

so in two weeks i will be the only waitress at fortune garden. i'm happy but not, i'll make WAY more money, but i'll be working all the damn time. -shrug-

morgan did my hair yesterday. i look hot, i'm not going to lie.

i resolve to make things better.